Me wit my love

Me wit my love

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Why Should I Hire You...

“I am going to eat out. Please don’t cook for me” I said rushing out of my building. I was late for another interview. Sitting on the chair in front of the interviewer, I told myself this is got to be the one. He knew in that one meet that I am going to be a hard candidate. It is not easy to pursue me. And I had all the intention to make them realize that he were right. From the beginning I knew that I was not one who wants to get a 9-5 job and get lost in the mist of the populace. After the interview, waiting for the results in the lobby my mind started drifting into the past. First it was Google then Goldman Sachs and lot more. I had been to several interviews but was not able to ring a bell. Or let’s say I really don't know what they were looking for. There were instances where I was rude. I never realized that over the period of time I develop an attitude or rather arrogance which they did not like. "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" he asked. "I design my life step by step. I cannot tell you where I will be in 5 years but for sure in a much better position than this.” He raised his eyebrow. How much salary are you expecting? He asked. I know what American customers want. I have been sucking money out of them from past one year, and I think I have pulled it out awesomely well. After 3 year of experience working with the same salary. It does not make sense, does it?. Suddenly I felt drained out. My head felt buzzy, my vision blurred. All I could think was, "Just let me get outside and get some fresh air." and I realized that I was much hotter than usual and my heart was beating rapidly. I actually hallucinated to another dimension, where I was engulfed in a total feeling of fear. Fear to not passing exams. Fear to acceptance. There was lot running on my mind.
I hear voices in my head but they are fades out vision seem to be blurry. I am jolting back and forth between the sleep and consciousness. They had started me on a cocktail of medication on a drip, and poked me with tubes and pipes for nourishment, drugs and oxygen. I can’t tell if I am dreaming or not. One minute I will be in a room being interview by a black suited person and other second I am being towed on the stretcher. I have seen the doctor roaming around my bed. I heard someone say he’s awake and then others came running in. Lot of faces peering down at me. Doctor came and asked my name. It took me some time to recall it. I was bewildered why I am not able to remember my name. I heard ECG machine beeping, nurse roaming around, and pungent smell of medicine. The fan was making weird sound, white walls it took me some time to realize that is am lying in a hospital. Last that is could recall is saying "Thank you for calling Iyogi Technical Services"
“Oh good you woke up” said Sunil. I was getting a getting a little worried." What happened? I asked. "You fainted in office. We brought you here. Doctors said nothing can be predicted until you get up." I pressed my hand against the bed and tried to get up but was not able to because of weakness. “You have been dead for 1 week now. You have mumbling something in between. No one was able to understand it though.” When I actually woke up, it was just like waking up in the morning, in that it didn't feel like it had been over a week.
Slowly the drowsiness and sleepiness gradually developed into me and I started becoming unconscious again and can’t respond at all to anything around me. I felt exhausted and could hardly stay awake. I felt suffocating. I tried remaining awake however I was not able to. There I laid peaceful sleeping.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Holding Back

I closed my eyes and I was into another world. My mind started stravaiging wildly. I could not hear any outside sound. It was complete silence. And what was I thinking, nothing. My mind was absolutely void. I felt like my mind was in the deep ocean of darkness. Just diving into that ocean gave me a sense of tranquillity. I saw myself standing alone and suddenly I started running carelessly into that infinity, trying to find a destination. Bellowing. But there is no one to listen. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and the bellowing faded away and the office buzz came into reality. It was Nishi. She was waiting for me to go on lunch. “I am not hungry” I said. “I am seeing you like this from past 1 week”. “Seeing what? I am just busy working. This is lot of work to do in here” I defended. “Well you are not the only one on the office who is working”. She sighed and continued “Just because I have not accepted your proposal does not mean we cannot eat together. We can still be friends. Right?”. “I don’t wanna eat alright” I lost my temper. She turned back, held there for a second and left my cubicle. I knew she had tears. She returned to her cubicle. She did not go for the lunch either. Staring at my phone I sat there, thought of calling her and saying sorry but could not do it. It was just a white little box for me lying there asking me to pick up the receiver however it was not that easy for me. I looked at her. She was staring at the blank monitor and her tears were sliding through her cheeks. Being with her reminded me of every moment that I have spent with her and the fact that I cannot be with her made me go Ahrr. Actually it was not her fault. Neither was mine. I don’t know what went wrong between us. May be it was me who fall in love with her knowing the fact that she already has a boyfriend. Or it was her giving me signals unknowingly that she was into me. So what was it? Love? Infatuation? Yeah I was a kind of momentary attraction. I was so happy. Just her mere presence would give me goose bumps and my heart used to race. She used to look for pretext to touch me, stealing glance in the office. But now I try to run from her and she just want to be friends. I guess something drastically changed. Yeah reality happened. She realized it was all wrong and decided to be friends. Coming out of my thoughts I tried concentrating on work. I turned on my monitor and wrote a sorry email to her. That was least I could do. She did not reply. Afterwards I got busy into work. I lost the track of time. I looked at my watch after a while and it was time to go home. I tried searching for her but she was nowhere around. I sat in my cab and plugged in my headphones just to shut of my thoughts but I did not paid heed to what my iPod was play. I was just lost in her thoughts. The cab started moving. I looked outside the window. The sky had turned orange. The sun was playing hide and seek behind the large sky scrapers. I started thinking at some point you should realise you have done too much for her. Next thing left to do is to stop. Stop this endless drama. Leave her alone. Let her go. I have to draw a line between determination and desperation. If it’s meant to be, she will come back otherwise let it be. If it is not she will never come back no matter how much I try. There was no reason to her and stop my life. Life never stops, it goes on. I guess it was the verdict of my life as well. The show must go on. Thinking about it I slipped into sleep.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Thank you for calling.....

"Thank you for calling Iyogi technical Services" I heard myself mumbling into my microphone. That’s the same thing I have been saying from a long time and now it seems I have become an IVR and it has become a routine that u will hear beep sound, press the button and starts the whole drama. And I have been doing mindless dribble from past 1 year. Not though 1 year was a long time, but I had bigger plan. I cannot be stuck here. Customers call in get their computer fixed. Ya I am the computer guy for them. But they have a less idea that they need to get their credit card ready because rather than a tech support it has now becomes a sales process and the thirst for the revenue has become so strenuous that if they have to kill me to get sales, they will not give it a second thought. With the cut throat competition the things were getting worse. But it was paying the bills. Not many people last long at this kind of job, and the ones that do tend to get lost in a daze. They space out, letting reflexes take over. Their mind far away while their body and vocal cords running the same motions it’s learned over time. Honestly I don’t even remember why I took up this. I mean I belong to a small town middle class family where I don’t have to take of an old mother or a bed ridden father or an unmarried sister. Fortunately I am the only child and a pampered one I should say. But I was not the brighter student in college; I knew I had to struggle to get myself running in this big city. So I took a job at a small company. That process got shutdown and around 250 people were thrown out. Sad huh! Well that only I got another job and that how I landed over here running between things. “Thank you for choosing Iyogi as your personal tech support. Good Karma” I heard myself saying and I was back into reality. I arched back on my chair.
It was time to have some coffee. So I stroll down to the lounge. Lately I have been having a lot of coffee. I mean you need to wide awake and active to listen to them. While returning back to my workstation, I looked around to the fish market that it has become and heard the same melody of modulated voice that I had been singing from a long time. I stopped frozen. I almost dropped my coffee cup when I realized what I heard it. My voice, I heard my voice ring out with the others. "Thank you for calling Iyogi Technical Support." I snap back to reality and I am done with another call. I never realized when I got back and took a call. The half filled warm cup of coffee was smiling at me. I got up and uneasily walked into the washroom. "It’s been a long day, I am just tired" I say to my reflection. I shake my head and splash some cold water on my face, Another 4 hours more and I can go home". I am about to walk out of the bathroom when my cell phone rings. I grab it and pick up, “Hello" I reply. “Thank you for calling Iyogi Technical Support." my voice from the other end calls out.
"Wasn’t I just in the bathroom" I thought as I look around. I look over at Sunil, the guy in the cubical next to me. “Sunil" I say, seeing he’s not on a call, "Does anything seem strange today” I asked. "Seem like sales is not happening and managers are getting on our nerve nothing new, why?" He says. “Don’t know" I reply, looking around again. “Something just doesn’t feel right somehow. I am going to go out, you in?" “Sure" He says, hanging up his headset. As I got out of the office the sun ray started hurting my eyes. God knows how long I have been in this exile. I felt been trapped over there. It’s a beautiful day, but you would never know it sitting inside, if it is day or night. They keep all the window blinds down and the office dark. They say it’s to keep the glare from the screens to a minimum, but we all know it’s to keep up focused on the job and not day dreaming about the world outside. I sit talking with Sunil for a while.

"Are you feeling okay”?" Sunil asks getting up. "Hold on one second” I say extending my hand. Thank you for calling Iyogi Technical Services"
I snap back to reality just as I am finishing up the order. I jump up as soon as I realize what I am doing, causing the chair to fall backwards. “Div, are you alright" Sunil asks as he looks over. My hands are shaking as I look at him. “Were we just outside?" I ask biting my lip. "Yeah, you seem nervous. So I asked if you were okay when we were walking back and you jumped over and took phone call before you answered" he replied with a worried look on his face. I look around, everyone is staring at me. "I...I think I need to go" I stammer out grabbing a few things off my desk. “This Is Insane" I think to myself, “I am just overworked. I’ll take tomorrow off. Get a head stall on the weekend. I’ll be fine I just have to get out of here. I paused. "Thank you for calling Iyogi Technical Services" I hoar. Suddenly I am sitting back at my desk talking into the headset. I spin around. In the cubical behind me I see me on the phone. I hear my voice coming from the desk, "Thank you for calling..." I look around. Me. I am sitting behind every desk, in every cubical around. I hear my voice coming from all of them, chanting the same phrase over and over again in like some horrible nightmare, over and over again it rings in my oar, "Thank you for calling....Thank you for calling....Thank you for calling"
I snap back to reality just as I am finishing up the order. I try to scream, I try to jump up and run away but I can’t move and I can’t speak. I watch as my arm roaches over and presses the flashing button. I pull as hard as I can but I can’t stop my finger from pressing it down. I close my eyes, I try to bite my lip, hold my tongue, anything, but nothing works. I hear the words spill clearly and perfectly from my mouth as they have thousands of times before. "Thank you for calling..."