Me wit my love

Me wit my love

Monday, June 13, 2016

Nothing is going to change

“We have decided to get married” She hushed this into my ears. My heart sank and she noticed it. "Nothing is going to change" she said but I knew from that point everything is going to change. Things were going to be so complicated for me. Till this point, my feeling for her has not surfaced. But suddenly I don’t know why it felt like 1000 arrows were pierced through my chest in a fraction of second when she announced the big news to our friend circle that they have decided to get married. Although it was obvious since they were in relationship for more than 4 years now.

We live in a story book. Each of us has story in it. Some story end on a happy note. But some of us are less fortunate could not complete their story. This is my love story. This is kind of love, it is cruelest kind, the one which almost kills its victims. It called one sided love affair. Most of the people fall in love with each other, but I have been cursed for being in love with a person which does not and will not love me back. I look at the past and I only see worst celebrations. Worst Birthdays, Worst Valentines, worst new years since they are accompanied by tears, pain and agony. I feel wounded, handicapped. The reason is I fell in love with one person, whom I should not have fell for. I violated the all the laws of social conduct. I felt like I am betraying someone when I fell in love. She is my best friend girlfriend.

I was introduced to her by my friend itself. That day is still fresh in my memory. I saw them coming towards me by the side of the road. The first thought that came to my mind was she is beautiful. And the second thought was what’s wrong with her. We had insane chemistry the moment we were introduced. I felt like we were tuned to the same frequency. When I got to know her, you know her want her to be included in your life more and more. Anyhow the friendship brewed nicely and we started hanging out a lot with her either alone or in a group. “Then bring the chocolate cake” We said it together. The discussion was going on what cake to bring for the New Year.
We used to say same thing at the same time. And then we used to look at each other and smile. We like the same food and same type of Clothes. Once she asked me to select few pictures of her and her bf and asked me to frame it. "I trust you" she said. She knew the pics that I will select will be almost the same that she will select. There has been instance where it had happened. I remember we were supposed to go for their pre wedding shoot. And we selected same poses from the internet. Odds of getting such a thing while searching the humongous internet is almost to zero but it did happened.

Before I knew, things started changing. My feelings for her became stronger but I always tried to tag it as friendship. I'm in quite a predicament right now. Thinking about her gives me goose bumps. My soul shines when I hear her voice. Only one face comes to my mind when I either listening to songs or any rom-com movie. I fell in love with everything she loved. I wish I could tell her how I feel about her. One should see my face when I am front of her. It shows all the shades of red, my throat thickens, I feel blurry sight, and brain will stop responding.

Every day after that announcement I thought I will never meet her. I will run away from her life but could not gather enough courage against the force that pulled me towards her. I don't think I will ever meet someone that could really be compared to her. I could see all sort of people and not matter who they are or what they say they cannot capture my attention quite the way she can. I could talk to all sorts of people and yet I will always find myself thinking about how they are not quite as charming as her or maybe they don't make me laugh quite as genuinely as her or whatever maybe the reason. I know people always say your first love is the person you compare everyone to, but maybe they compare it to your true love. So whenever I meet someone, I start comparing them with her and I have not found anyone as magnificent as her.

She thinks I am her best friend, a rival in competition and I am trying to gain victory over activities we do together but lesser does she know that I have already accepted my defeat because when I lose, I got to see her smile. Now the only thing important for me is her happiness.

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